Feelings About My Wife Leaving Me

I am a broken man. I cannot escape the agony that ravages my heart every day and at times it is so unbearable that all I can do is sleep. I do not understand what is happening to me nor why. I would never have imagined that my honey Deborah would do me like she is doing me. It is unbearable and appalling and is has destroyed my trust. I have no and once I thought I had that special friend and lover who would always hold my heart. She made so many promises and always upheld those all the years of our marriage until these past two years. Now she gives me no promise and no assurance. For instance I said to her yesterday, “I sure wish I was a keeper.” She just looked at me and smiled as if she enjoyed my pain. Used to she would have automatically quipped up, “of course your a keeper, I'll always keep you,” or something to that effect. No, not anymore, nothing like that ever. It is just like all of the years that my dad never once expressed his love to me. She says she loves me and cares for me but when I ask her if she loves me how can she hurt me so bad and all she can say is, “I don't know.” I just cannot ever understand how this is or has happened to my marriage. I always thought she felt different towards me and all of this hurts so. I just want to be valuable enough to want to keep and love. What is so wrong with me that she insists that she has to leave me? I can”t get it, I just cant. I'm not doing anything to her, she is hurting me. She is locking me out of her life and out of her heart. She is indifferent towards my pain and suffering and cares more about her feelings than anything else. Why is she being like this? What am I supposed to do? So now I sit here alone again. She is off at her mom's again and off to her Dr Raciti appt, she wont be home till Thursday late or Friday. Used to we would have just gotten up and went to her appt together and came home the same day but oh no, not anymore, all of that changed. I'm so hurt and rejected. This is a nightmare that I so desperately want to wake up from and I don’t know how to or how this could ever do anything but get worse and worse. Does anyone know how horribly painful and debilitating it is to be waiting everyday for your spouse of over half of your life to just desert you? Like Jesus waiting for Judas to betray Him. Yet she keeps up this everything is OK, or the same facade that is so fake and I have such a hard time living in it. How can she be all nice on one side and totally destroying me and breaking my heart to pieces on the other? How can this be my live partner? It feels totally like God and everyone everywhere hates me! I'm so lonely and heartbroken that I just wish I could die. Instead I press on, even though that seems impossible and at times it is. Here I sit alone and abandoned again. She will be back in a few days but I know she does not care about me or how bad she hurts me. I know she has no problem lying to me so I cant help but wonder if what she is saying is even true. She promises she is not cheating on me, yet I still see and hear suspicious things, but when I confront her she is adamant that noting is going on. So I have to believe her even though it is hard. I just cant stop asking, why oh why is this happening to my marriage. Why have I been so devalued but the only person in my world. If she cares for me at all how can she do this to me? I’m so sick of feeling this way every single day and there is never even the slightest change and I keep begging God and it seems that He just turns a deaf ear to my sorrowful heart. Doesn’t he hear me cry? Doesn’t He hear me beg? Can He turn a cold, indifferent heart towards me like Deb has? Why wont anyone love me????? I stay lonely and depressed and I don’t feel like anyone is all of existence cares about me at all, not even God. I know that is not true but it is how it feels. Worst of all is Deb does not care about me. Why does not my partner and soul mate not care about me? How can Deb of all people turn her heart on me? Why wont God help me????/ I’m so alone and lonely, I cry so much. Please help me, I beg you!!!!!